Book Review: I Could Pee on This, and Other Poems By Cats

Some will say that she is ignoring you for a reason. Some will tell you that there is so much more going on in her mind than simply being fed and having her water changed more often. The uncovering of several paintings by George W Bush has given the scientific community a great deal of hope for the creative capacities of those at the southern end of the food chain, which carries us upward to this. Collected for the first time in written history are the poetic thoughts of our finicky friends, as dictated to Francesco Marciuliano. Contributing writer to the Onion and the creator of Sally Forth, a widely syndicated comic strip. Marciuliano also writes for the PBS television series Seemore’s Playhouse.In this collection he assists his elegant companions through the editing process of masterpieces, like “Nudge,” “I like Your Nose,” “Self-Affirmation,” and “Some of My Best Friends Are Dogs.” Why, the feline sonnet could very easily have come straight from discarded portions of “The Deserted Village” by Oliver Goldsmith:

I would lie by your side for the rest of our lives
I think I’ll walk away right now
I should let you pet me for a hundred years
I think we need some time apart
I should be kissed a thousand thousand times
I think I need to be somewhere else
I could sit on your lap forever
Don’t you even think of trying to get up
Well, you should have gone to the bathroom beforehand
Because forever is a very, very long time

And here, in a form reminiscent of “To His Coy Mistress” by Andrew Marvell, comes the title piece:

Her new sweater doesn’t smell of me
I could pee on that
She’s gone and left her laptop open
I could pee on that
Her new boyfriend just pushed my head away
I could pee on him
She’s ignoring me ignoring her
I could pee everywhere
Now she has me in her lap
I could pee on this
I could pee on this

I Could Pee on This is filled to overflowing with the heretofore unwritten wants, needs and daily existential struggles of tomcats, tabbies, Angoras, grimalkins and even pusses of the Scottish Fold variety, caught in the act of clandestine creation.

In the photos included in this book, they gaze at their owners’ computers, one paw in front of the other tap-tapping the keys, deleting here, deleting there, pondering the next line, the next hairball or even the dirty look they just got from the dog. The subliminal consciousness of today’s feline is teeming with artistic workmanship of this caliber, and thanks to Chronicle Books some of the best can be yours.

“Sometimes ‘Meow’ just doesn’t get the point across”

 

(Previously published in Central Circuit magazine–Seattle, WA, 2012)

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